Where's your gaze?
The chasm between who I am and who I want to be
We all want to achieve a list of things, this, that and then the next. We even probably jot down a well thought out plan and envision ourselves on track to reaching the next goal post. But often, we see ourselves falling behind on those plans we chalked out for ourselves. There’s the gap, between plans and reality and while this could happen due to a concoction of things, I find a big reason behind me falling behind, to be where my eyes are locked in. Let me explain.
In the last few months, I have come up with a list of lists of steps to achieve a list of things, of which, only a meagre percentage has been actualized. That’s embarrassing, in the least. Why?
My gaze. I realized that while following my said plan my eyes are looking outwards on something, someone or some place outside of myself to take a call, follow through on accepted task splits or another task. And am waiting, for this external force to take action, while my plans go stale, and I stagnate in the same pool of quicksand, once again crying for help than walking myself out.
This is not a self-journal, but an observation on how we tend to abandon ourselves because we are not self-aware. We often choose goals that are not our own and of some other agent and then go on to wait on those external forces to push us towards action. That, when I talk about it, is downright foolish, and puts you in a weak and vulnerable position.
This reminds me of a rather famous anecdote from Mahabharata, where Arjun was poised with an impossible challenge of shooting a moving fish in the eye by just the reflection in the water bowl, with one of the heaviest bows of the time. While most princes at the competition were unable to even flinch the bow, let alone complete the challenge, Arjun took the challenge and with his eye focused on the fish’s, he landed the arrow at his target in the very first shot. This oversimplified version of the story tells just one thing, do you have your eye fixated on the goal, or on the onlookers? Is your focus undivided on the target ahead of you to have you unbeatable or are you deterred by the task and your eyes are now scanning the arena looking for a helping hand?
This brings to my mind, a similar anecdote from the same epic, that of Draupadi and the infamous “vastra-haran”. Her plight continued on as long as her fearful eyes kept scanning the courtyard. The moment she reflected on herself, and remembered “Krishna,” the story goes on to tell a miracle saved her. But I find it intriguing how Draupadi was also called “Krishnaa” fondly by Krishna himself. Is this a way to hint on the same principle, of self-reflection, self-resiliency and the truth that true power only comes from yourself. Only you, can save yourself. Yudishthir, let his eyes wander to people in the courtyard and took decisions to satisfy their vision of him, and not to help himself and his own. Focus, gaze, should always be inward. What could I do better? What is in my power? What can I change? What do I want to achieve?
I notice, dependencies, partnerships and them falling out, often leave us looking outward for action, and instead of us taking up the sword and fighting out the situation, well, we fall behind.
This makes me question, was my picking this goal the right call? If I cannot take a fight for something to happen, did I really want it in the first place?
So how do we unknowingly land up with such convoluted goals? Again, those wandering eyes are to blame, looking for shiny things that catch their attention. What does the world want, what do “they” think and, thus, what achievement would have me shining before the world? Gaze.
Where is my gaze at?
Is at at myself, at my interests, passions, time, and desires or am I gazing at the guy next door and implicating what I should be doing instead? Where is my gaze, and where’s yours?
Where is the focus? On the world, or at yourself?
That’s something I would be acting upon, until next time :)